Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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