Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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