She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
