If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
