you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everyone says I win the strip club
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
