Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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