The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
