I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Umm I'm too high to move.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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