Screwed.edu
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
