Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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