its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
