mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Semen is not good for contacts.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
