I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
