Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize