I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
