i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
