I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
