according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
