It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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