i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
