i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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