I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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