come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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