farters have to be the big spoon...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
