Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
