Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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