We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
