I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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