I cockslap morals
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
