Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
