I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
