I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
