Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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