honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
