I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
