well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
