Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
