That's intense
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
