totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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