how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
