if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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