he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
