I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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