eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i will never coherently bang her
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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