Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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