If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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