she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
