I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
