I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
