Is it because I queefed?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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